Dating vs. Drowning

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 "Head under water and you told me to breathe easy for a while. The breathing gets harder even I know that." It is absolutely amazing how one can capture the essence of heartbreak without explicitly stating it.  I listened to the lyrics of this  love song on replay the first few days after my break-up, totally feeling the dilemma of attempting to breathe in an environment that lacks oxygen.  To inhale in the absence of air.  It's a fete I have been attempting to accomplish....with "air" being the representation of embracing the single life.  I was failing miserably and though the artist's song ends with a dismissal of her past love, "I'm not going write you a love song," she says.  It wasn't so easy for me because I was feverishly writing a few songs of my own like: "Heart in A Million Little Pieces," "Can't Sleep at Night,"  and "You Dirty, Rotten, Heartbreaking Mothfu***"   

You get the point!

Each night, I crawled into bed hugging a box of Kleenex and welcoming the escape that slumber provides. Every morning...I rose with a big, purple elephant twiddling its toes on the top of my chest.

The pity party ended every morning promptly at 6:28am, however, because that's when Chris - the wannabe accountant - called, and I knew if he heard tears in my voice, he would start bombarding me with statistics...

"99.86% of women will go through heartbreak in their lifetime."
"90% of them will move on and find something better."
"1 in 20 women are going through what you're experiencing right now."

Blah, blah, blah, blah! Heartbreak, like panties, is personal. It's specific to each individual, and "should" have only one owner.  I needed Chris to take my panties off! (well, not in that way -- but you know what i mean)

This particular morning, like clockwork, Chris called at 6:28am.  I put on a happy sounding voice and started asking him about long division and multiplication tables.  You know, all the things that get aspiring accountants all excited and feeling warm and fuzzy inside!

He surprised me, because instead of replying with an answer like 35%, he told me to be downstairs by 5:00pm.  To dress nice, put on some heels, fix my hair and put some colorful lipgloss on.

Interesting.

Interesting indeed.

I had to admit that I spent the work day intrigued to the point of being unable to concentrate.  What was going to happen at 5:00pm?   Were we going back to the bar to play Hitch?  Was he going to beat down my ex, while I watched with my extra shiny lips?  Maybe he was going to instruct me on the importance of calculus.  I couldn't figure out the answer, but when the clock turned to 4:30pm, I had to admit the purple elephant from earlier had been replaced with a crowd of butterflies.

I raced home. Got dressed, and nervously headed downstairs for my 5:00pm.....

Date?

As I rounded the corner and I saw this chocolate, well-built, tall man standing on the outside of his four-wheel drive.  When he saw me, he perked up and started advancing.

Chris had - in fact - hooked me up on a blind date,

OR

I was about to get mugged!

I smiled, but slowly slid my hand in my bag and put a finger on the tip of my mase.  He was cute, but momma ain't raise no fool!

He introduced himself, and told me Chris had informed him that I needed a reason to smile.  He said, he was there to meet that need.

Oh really!  I thought.

Peering at him curiously, I noted that he was dressed nicely, had a genuine smile, and I could see his government credentials hanging from his rearview mirror. He seemed legit!

So, with a finger massaging the trigger point on my mase bottle, I decided to let my guard down...slightly... 

Besides....and, let me keep it real for a minute...

Homeboy was fine (pronounced: fwhine!).  I mean this guy was handsome with a capital "H!"  In fact, he looked like a big piece of Godiva chocolate, and though chocolate gives me the runs, I was willing to take the risk.

Hey, you only live once!

Big Chocolate was the perfect gentleman.  We chatted about crazy women, how the military shaped his life, our international travels, his love for music, and our new business ventures.  The content of the conversation was not not only extraordinary, but the flow was absolutely outstanding.

Over the course of more than 3 hours, the conversation never hesitated, and together he and I coasted from topic to topic taking brief detours along the way...

And just when he was about to pull up to my place...

....it happened....

That elusive comfortable silence that generally only happens when two people are genuinely at ease with one another!  It was as though we hit that wavelength where there is an understanding that doesn't need the assistance of words to define the energy surrounding the moment.  And for the first time since the breakup and since saying good-bye to A Long Walk...I felt I could breathe easy.

I even realized that I hadn't once discussed exchanging numbers, or if there would be a second date.  In the absence of this expectation, I felt I truly liberated.

Big Chocolate hugged me good-bye three times...tight...strong...close...and, for the first time in weeks, I fell asleep without molesting my Kleenex box throughout the night.

6:28am that next morning, my phone chirped....it wasn't Chris, though...instead it was a text from Big Chocolate....

It had two words: 16 Bars

I'm no music whiz kid, but I knew his text had to do with a song.  I was curious! 

"90% of them will move on and find something better,"  I could hear Chris say!

I was determined to be in that percentage.