People always guess incorrectly when attempting to identify the sport I loved most as a little girl. Inevitably, they say something girly like: "combing my barbie doll's hair," "playing dress-up" or "skipping." All of which are cute, but none of which are the sport I loved most: basketball. As a girl, I loved to put on a dirty pair of sneakers, long nylon shorts, a Chicago Bulls jersey and play street ball with the neighborhood boys. The guys would never take it easy on me, often throwing their weight at me while going up for a rebound, passing the ball with extra force, or shoving me out of the way to dive for a stray ball. I learned a lot during these games, the most important of which was, basketball is generally a team sport. Though I could perform at the highest level, my greatest plays could only be achieved with the help of the other four players on the court.
Some of the basic fundamentals one learns in team sports, can totally be applied to the dating world!
You can play the game one-on-one, BUT it's best to have a team of people who understand exactly what - in this case, "the who" - you're trying to win.
So when I decided to leave A Long Walk alone, I called up some of the players on my home team:
My Girls - Melinda (a.k.a - Ms. Diva); Anne (a.k.a - Southern Charm); and Tiffany (a.k.a - Flower Child)
My Boys - Bob and Chris
More specifically, I texted my boys and told them I was back on the market and asked if they had any single friends. Ten minutes later they replied: Happy Hour at DC Bar - 7pm - Let's Play Hitch.
Bet!
I suited up (but this time in stilettos and a tight black dress) and arrived ready for:
The Game Plan - which involved Bob and Chris picking a guy at the bar, lingering in the background as I introduced myself, and then providing pointers on how to improve my game (if i needed to improve my game).
Sipping the last of my strawberry mojito, I spotted a 6'4, copper-colored, bald-headed, young professional man in a black business suit and cautiously approached him, carefully surveying the court for other female players....And as I got closer, I realized Baldy and I had previously met.
Score!
But wait....time out....upon further revaluation...I realized that homeboy looked a little too familiar. Matter of fact, I had met him at a cookout a few months ago when my girl, Flower Child, mentioned that they had connected.
He was still cute, though, and I figured if I could determine the type of "connection" he shared with my friend than he and I could proceed.
So, I was back in the game....
I decided to mention her name in the middle of asking about his day and watch for signs of recognition (i.e. "So how's your day been (dramatic pause)...seen a Flower, lately?)...nothing.
Then, I dropped her name a second time, while talking about the weather (i.e. Gee, it's really nice outside (extra dramatic pause, just for effect)....perfect weather to...perhaps...see a Flower?)...nothing.
As a last resort, I just got direct with him. "Hey Baldy, do...you...know...Flower?"
He gazed at me with a blank stare and with zero recognition. Slightly annoyed with him, I began spewing out her hair color, defining her skin tone, and describing her physical build.
He looked down for a second, and vaguely acknowledged they "may" have met.
SCORE!
But then there was silence...awkward, uncomfortable, "grab your cosmetic mirror check from your purse and check for lipstick stains on your teeth" silence.
I heard myself say: "She's my friend." (Silence) "I work with her on a project." (Silence) "She still lives in the area." (Silence)
Pulling out my business card, I told him I might need a man like him to assist with the project involving Flower Child and myself...then slowly walked away...and...NOT because I was trying to show him my "get 'em" girl walk but because Bob and Chris were glaring at me from the sidelines with the stank eye.
You mentioned Flower's name entirely too much, Bob, who's a teacher, lectured!
"But!"
More than 90% of the conversation involved describing another woman, said Chris, the wannabe accountant (hence the percentage).
"But I was trying to..."
If the conversation is about business, make it about business, I could almost swear a lectern materialized out of nowhere as Bob continued. If the conversation is personal, keep it personal. Who the heck cares about a work project, if ya'll are just talking weather?
"Damn."
I called a time out. Ordered another strawberry mojito. He might email, I thought. Maybe. Especially since it was obvious he hadn't "connected" to Flower in an intimate manner.
Either way, there are no tears in contact sports! I picked myself up, reviewed the failed play in my head, suggested to Bob and Chris that we try again at another bar, and shouted to the waiter....
You can't win, if you don't play.
I was determined to get back in the game.
Dating in DC continues with Dating vs. Drowning...make sure to leave your mark and post a comment!
And...watch for a new post every Wednesday....
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Story is a great tell and well written! I totally understand you Single DC Lady. There are no tears in contact sports and if you don't play, you can't win -- personally or professionally. If you were feeling him, you definitely should not have given him a business card. However, depending on his sign and the nature of your chemistry...he could reach out. Either way, it is just another day and experience in the life. Glad you're on the scene. Keep us posted... I may post a story of my own one of these days. :)
ReplyDeleteYou can't win if you don't play...keep playing. It's like a board game sometimes you win, sometimes you don't. Keep playing until you recognize the GAME.
ReplyDeleteI would have to agree with Gail, you can't win if you don't play. Dating is somewhat like sales, it's the law of numbers. Eventually you will find the right ONE, but you have to be patient and persistant.
ReplyDeleteLove this blog...it inspires me to dust myself off and get back out there and start dating!! No Pain No Gain Right??
ReplyDelete