Every woman regardless of age should have a girlfriend. Unless, of course, she's a lesbian...
Last night my girlfriend called me three times after 11pm, left five voice mails (don't ask how), and showed up at my door before the sun had a chance to say "Saturday."
"Bree!" She yelled, waking me up from a sleep that was so sexy, I had my pillow squeezed in between my knees.
"Bree, open up!"
Shutting my eyes further, I willed the high-pitched voice penetrating the walls of my front door to be that of Idris Elba or at least Jake Gyllenhal with his shirt off...
Unfortunately for me, the person standing on the other end of my eye crust and my front door, did not have Gyllenhal's chest or his man parts.
Womp.
"Girl, I called you." my girlfriend said bursting in with bagels in hot coffee.
"Ok."
"You didn't answer."
"Ok..."
"I said. You did not answer your phone."
"I said. Oh - kay...."
"Yea, well, what were you doing?"
"Dude!! What the...!"
"You STILL didn't answer my question."
Clearly, she was paying attention...
For a millisecond we glared at each other from across the room, with her contemplating all the ways she could lecture me about calling folks back and me thinking about which was worst:
The fact that she had brought blueberry bagels (despite my allergy to fruit). Or, the fact that I had just noticed it was 6:15 in the morning...on...a....Saturday!
Girlfriends!
You can't live with them...and well, you can't find a boyfriend to replace them. So, as we sat there, squaring off over a open container of cold butter and coffee, I asked myself...
In DC, why is it so much easier to find a girlfriend than it is to lock down a boyfriend?
For all intents and purposes, Southern Charm was not- in the truest sense of the word - my girlfriend. I mean I hadn't done anything awkward like touch her tongue with mine, or sneak up on her in the shower! But, she was my non-lesbian partner, who I loved deeply despite being in a serious but sometimes uncomfortable long-term relationship that started 5 years ago!
I still remember how she and I had connected over a margaritas and man talk! And, we had remained close throughout the years mainly because we shared a common interest that involved NOT being afraid to commit to simple things like...
keeping an appointment
going to see a chick-flick....
OR
....other people!
...you know, all those things that men get anxiety issues over!
So I had pardoned Southern Charm for her lack of a penis, and applauded her for being the boyfriend I never had (in other words, a man who was in touch with his inner Oprah Winfrey)...
This was until....
My life changed. And, with those changes had come a slight shift in our interactions. My Fridays were spent having a Netflix Night (R.I.P Blockbuster) without her, Saturdays were suddenly packed up with impromptu dinner dates without her, and Sundays were used to test out this thing I just realized existed in my kitchen: my oven! Without Her!
In other words, something or someone was taking my girlfriend time away from Southern Charm.
As a result, I had gradually started receiving "where r u" texts from her at all hours of the day, 10 day advanced notices to schedule time with me, and now early morning visits with bagels I could not eat.
Clearly, while she was paying attention to me, I was not paying attention to her.
And being the good girlfriend that Southern Charm was, she had not yet called me out on acting like the bad boyfriend that she and I had pinky swore we would never ever date...
"Who is it?" Southern Charm said, sounding a lot like she was expecting a "it's not me, it's you conversation."
But before I could answer her...I had to pause and think how this had happened:
How had a guy jockeying for the position of boyfriend, almost succeeded in trying to take my girlfriend's place?
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Why must the question be posed as if to imply men are always trying to "replace" best friends? I would think if the man cares enough about the woman he would want the women he is pursuing romantically to retain those close female friends, in most instances those close friends can break a relationship if boundaries are not set. Not to mention those close friends can become allies, because who knows a woman better then her girlfriends?
ReplyDeleteThis one was good. I am taking credit for the title but beyond that, I think it is something a lot of women, in particular black women can relate to. I know a lot of women who are in non sexual quasi romantic relationships with their girlfriends. They own each others weekend, consume most text, evening dinners and movies are with this person, they tend to not make moves solo without the other persons approval. Often I think women do not understand that those relationships can hinder one's ability to find a man. You could have mentioned that many women have the girlfriend that is a guy. A gay male that consumes all time and energy and goes everywhere with you is like man repellent.
ReplyDeletefunny... didn't know what to expect with the title but well written! Girlfriend or no girlfriend, don't show up at my place at 6am. Give me until 9am (at least) or I may lash out.
ReplyDeleteGreat read, I found myself laughing the entire time and it's so relatable for many women. Studies have shown when a friend(female or male)has a new love interest, they tend to kick their good friend/girlfriend to the curb. It's a bit extreme that a friend/girlfriend would show up at your house at 6am, but I guess to avoid this, it's all about balance and communication.
ReplyDeleteCharles.. wuddup homie.. --> A gay male that consumes all time and energy and goes everywhere with you is like man repellent. #truth
ReplyDeleteGood story telling again.
I'd wonder how close SC is tpo Bree anyway,... if she's asking a 'who is it' question. Don't yall tell all yall's moves anyway?
Jockeying... that's cute. Implying that the 'boyfriend' title is one of honor and esteem. Sadly, too many dont see it that way...it's seen often as one of conceding. Why yall think that is?