It was the tail end of Spring and one of those muggy DC afternoons where the air smelled of sweaty metro mixed with overheated tourist. Flower Child and I were on our way to meet Southern Charm, who had called a CODE PINK (a.k.a. emergency girls-only powow) to discuss the meaning of a "boo" and a "winkface."
Allow me to explain!
Two days prior, pre-boo, pre-winkface, and pre-CODE PINK, Charm had broken into her boyfriend's gmail account desperate to find out if it was alright to show a bit more of her bad girl side OR keep her Southern girl act going just a little bit longer. After a few keyword searches - "date," "kiss," "girlfriend" - had confirmed she was the only lady in his life, she sighed satisfied and ready to show her Sasha Fierce. Then a window popped up...
"Hey Boo ;-)"
From Rob.
At Midnight.
....
It seemed that, although Charm was definitely the only lady, she may not have been the only love!
A "wtf, gtfoh, omg" three-way call ensued soon after, with us three fiercely debating the interpretation of "boo" and a winkface. Maybe Rob was trying to frighten him electronically, and the winkface was an attempt to assuage his fears. Perhaps Rob was short for Roberta (which wouldn't be any better - BTW)
Maybe it was all a mistake...
Either way none of us could agree, hence the impromptu meeting at La Tasca, a Spanish restaurant that afforded us the chance to play the "what's that" game with our waiter Papi and had just enough sangria to assist us in pondering over the meaning of a semicolon paired with a parenthesis.
"I think you should stick your finger in his..."
But Charm was paying no attention to Flowerchild, instead she was slamming dozens of copied and pasted gchat conversations on the table like Johnny Cochran in Chanel.
Scandalous snippets jumped out of a sea of vowels and consonants, secret conversations between boyfriend Mark and Midnight Rob:
"Remember when I had you face down on the carpet."
"I'm not just a hit it or quit it type of dude."
"Can't wait to get down with you later. Miss you, my man!"
To Mark's credit. He hadn't actually said he had sexual relations with that man. Then again, neither had Bill Clinton during the Lewinsky trial.
Maybe this had been ALL been a coincidence! Maybe they were both just two, straight men extremely comfortable with calling each other boo?
But then Charm started recalling how Mark enjoyed sporadic weekend excursions to see a male friend (gmail revealed twas Rob), the one picture he carried in his wallet (twas Rob, too), and the way he wore his jeans rolled up 4 inches above the ankle despite being 110 miles from the nearest beach (twas Rob's fashion tip as well).
Were these examples Ru-Paul suspect.
Maybe!
But so was Fonsworth Bentley's neon-colored bow-tie and umbrella (in 90 degree weather, not a cloud in the sky!)
This did not make him gay, though...
So it brought us back to evaluating his words (the truth he told when noone was looking)....AND the words that none of us girls could really understand because like the La Tasca menu in espanol, they were all coded up in secret-boy language and all we knew was CODE PINK girl talk.
Deciding if another person was gay wasn't as easy as asking "what's that" to Papi or deciphering vague references to carpet munching and rolled-up pants.
Maybe you couldn't really call a man guy unless he self-identified himself as such first.
Flowerchild had an idea, "Try sticking your finger in his..."
But Charm and I barely heard her on the way out the door. Suddenly the idea of eating a Legal Sea Food where we knew exactly what was on the menu of options seemed a bit more appetizing.
Later that night Charm texted me and said:
"He finally told me the deal :-?"
Now it was my turn to decipher exactly what that emoticon meant.
...........
Stay tuned later this week for "boyfriend Mark's"response
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ReplyDeleteIs this that what really goes down in these new millennium "waiting to exhale" meetings? Instead of having a meeting to decipher what someones trying to say through google chat, why not try asking them? I could understand if "Robert" came out of the closet after being with "Charm" based on this post thats not the case and even if it was I think overacting over how the word "boo" is interpreted is asking for an unneeded headache.
ReplyDeleteThat n***a gay...
ReplyDelete~?
So according to Mr. Carter one should wait for a confession from a man/woman who may be trying to conceal their sexuality? Hmm, very interesting. I say do what you feel or you may be the next Terry McMillan.
ReplyDeleteI find it interesting that someone would like to remain anonymous is questioning my opinion. Furthermore, while analyzing this post a second time based on a deciphering of gchat "boy talk" is somehow "code pink", I don't see the correlation. To the anonymous commentator that likes to cherry pick my initial comment, I never once said "wait for a confession", just like Breee blog post suggested and I reiterated in my comment it muse wiser to ask someone straight up, rather then waiting until it's to late.
ReplyDeleteWhat is there to question? "Mark" is gay. We as women spend way too much time trying to figure out what something really means instead of taking it for what it really is. Charm needs to confront him, give him a nice kick in the ****(although I dont condone violence), and keep it moving. She deserves better!!
ReplyDeleteNice post.
ReplyDeleteHonestly, the first thing on my mind is that breaking in to someone's gmail like that is bad business. Whether he/she actually IS hiding something or not, If you feel the need to take those extraordinary measures, you should leave the relationship anyway because you are not ready to deal with the uncertainties that will always exist in a relationship and lack the faith that those uncertainties will not lead to your detriment. Period.
Second. Grown men do not talk to one another that way who are heterosexual. There is nothing left to question. Even if he does not sexually interact with guys, his language and demeanor depicts an effeminacy that should raise a flag without even needing him to answer the question of his sexuality before she decides to leave.
I resent this one... Flowerchild was never heard but made to be the butt of the joke. I agree with her on the test that rules...it works!
ReplyDeleteCan't wait to hear Mark's response...