Good Men In Short Supply

Even though I relocated to DC five years ago, I still ask myself why a tall woman like myself chose to live in a city where every man aspires to be an entrepreneur, an executive, and one inch taller than 5'4...

If I had to guess, I'd say I moved here because I dreamed of finding my intellectual soul mate in a city full of smart men.

What I didnt' expect to encounter were a city full of men with an angry case of Napoleon Complex, all of whom had an unquenchable desire to climb everything from the corporate ladder to a bar stool...the unofficial short man's high chair!

It's not that I don't love short guys!  Because I do (I mean I really do!) It's just that I was raised under the assumption that I should look up to my man!  My friends say it's the inner "height snob" in me that can't appreciate the fact that big things come in small packages.  But I know that it's really because I enjoy having dialogue in vertical positions without feeling the urge to rest my elbows on the top of my lover's head in rare moments of fatigue (or convenience).

If a good man is hard to find in DC, finding a tall man is even harder!!!


So what's a woman supposed to do in a city where you only have to be two inches past toddler height to get on the DC ride...

"You got to give them a chance!"  was my friend, Southern Charm's, answer.

Apparently, a few weeks ago Southern Charm had lucked up and found that rare man who had TOTALLY forgotten the ratio of women to men in DC is....

1 male to every 12,034 desperate and fashionably dressed women looking for any man that is...straight? (kinda)

Not only had she found this man, but he was also single (no kids), employed (legally), funny (not in a "heeeey boo" type of way) and Ivy-League!  If she and I hadn't been cool since before Palin copyrighted "you betcha," I would have hated her with the type of stank reserved for women who have been celibate for 2...long...

But I was happy for her....

Really I was...

(well kinda)

Until she started bragging about how he gifted her with Spanish love notes (and revealed their English meanings if she promised kisses), signed them up for joint Salsa classes (and practiced with her in private ;-), and synched their Google calendars (in order to make sure he made time to take time...just for her).

I was happy for her...

Really I was....

(well kinda)

"How tall is he?" I asked, while admiring the 4-inch pair of Jimmy Choos I had purchased for the purpose of casting "I Dare You" looks at the sea of microsized men at the event we were attending

Southern Charm smiled and responded, "Tall enough to ride this ride!"

Surviving Congressional Black Caucus While Single

Single Lady in DC: 

Surviving Congressional Black Caucus While Single

(Events Schedule Included)

Ladies!  CBC is here...again...and with it comes an abundance of opportunity to meet and greet with DC's most eligible bachelors!  Here are a few tips to help maximize the opportunity of being a single lady in DC, who is looking for love in a big city.

Be a Ciara in a Suit

Ciara is one of the sexiest non-singing sisters (hey, Rihanna) that I wish I knew, who rocks bomb weaves, impossibly tight clothes, and dances like a stripper. (No homo!)  When preparing to go out to a CBC event, channel your inner sultry-fied Ciara but keep your clothes PG (i.e. a suit or Michelle O-type dress). Get your outfits fitted, carry an emergency blazer and dust off the old ball and chain black dress. Being professional and sexy-fied is not an oxymoron, and everyone will notice if you're the only lady dressed like she's an extra on the Wacka Flocka video shoot.  This is not Miami (Welcome to DC).

He's Just Not That Into Too

Reading is FUNdamental, and hookt on fonix workt fer me!  Yes, I meant to type the word "too" ladies.  As in, don't be too much, too pressed, too talkative, too soon!  During these events less is more.  Keep the conversation light, fun and flirty and just when you feel he's hooked, drop your business card, and show him what 10 minutes of squats over the past 30 days have done for you by walking away!

Quid Pro Quo: Quid Pro Card

The most essential accessory that every lady should have besides a sexy stiletto and a basic black dress is an abundant supply of business cards.  This micro-rectangular piece of paper that masquerades as a mini Facebook Profile, is the ultimate professional tweet on paper.  It reveals a snapshot of who you are, what you do and how to stay connected in 180 characters or less.  More importantly, if Tall, Dark and Lovely ends up being Tall, Dark and Dumb, you can still prettily press ignore when he emails and keep it moving just like on your Facebook Page and Twitter Account.

Act Like a Lady. Think Like an Accountant!
It is imperative that every lady treat each event during CBC like an ungrateful boyfriend.  In other words, put your Freakum' Dress on, show him that you're Irreplaceable and embrace your inner Diva.  Never stay committed to one event while socializing during the afternoon CBC socials.  Each day there will be multiple events taking place in a short period of time.  It is your responsibility to be fabulous and fierce at as many events as possible.  Remember it's a numbers game; the more people you meet the higher the probability is that you will make a connection.  Besides, the only group of people that stay at an event from start to finish are the event organizers.  Don't be the event's mistress on the side.  Move on!

CBC is here ladies!  Have fun and be safe.

 A Few FREE Events for Single Ladies in DC

  

September 15 / 6:00pm - 9:00pm

1. Capital Cause: Political Fusion Networking Social / Midtown Lofts DC / RSVP: www.politicalfusion.eventbrite.com or info@capitalcause.com
2. Diva Lounge DC (Ladies Only) / Funxion Lounge / RSVP: thedivaloungedc@gmail.com 
3. NAAACC & NOBCO ALC Reception / Embassy Suites Hotel / RSVP: chairman@naaacc.org

September 16 / 6:00pm - 9:00pm

1. Black Ivy & Black Lawyers Association / District Lounge / RSVP: illacamila@yahoo.com
2. IMPACT Red Carpet Reception / The Ritz Carlton / RSVP: www.impact-dc.com 
3. NPHC ALC Reception / Union Station / RSVP: nphcreception@nphchq.org
4. Bermuda Pink Reception / Rooftop of Liberty / RSVP: rsvp@partybermuda.com 
5. A Heritage of Progress / Acadiana  Restaurant / RSVP: heritageofprogress@gmail.com 

September 17 / 6:00pm - 9:00pm 

1. Bitch is New Black Book Signing with Helena Andrews / Park on 14th / RSVP: guestlist@j-kprodutions.com 
2. Congressional Encore (A Formal Affair) / K Street Lounge / RSVP: recess@royaleventgroup.com

On to the Next One...

Admittedly, I still lose focus on what (or who) exactly has true value.

Two days after my bad date with the Energizer Old Spice Guy and a few weeks after my attempt to seduce my Crush had failed, I found out that A Long Walk, the gentleman in whom I had shared a string of beautiful dates with, was: "in..a...relationship" on Facebook as of 72+ hours ago!

Now...usually, I am happy when people get "in a relationship" and make it all public!  And, it only becomes an issue when the name following "with"  is one that I hadn't expected.

In this instance, the name I expected to see was mine.  Well - not really - but still I didn't expect to see "hers." 

I felt shocked, upset, hoodwinked, bamboozled and led astray!

A Long Walk had a GIRLFRIEND!

Every fiber in my being wanted to be upset.  I mean, who was he to move...on...

I mean what happened to that in-between incubator space that kept "potentials" in layaway....

Who had broken into my personal Potential Man store and cashed in!

I suddenly had an ill case of nostalgia, carefully recalling how A Long Walk and I had gone to dinner and to late night movies. How A Long Walk had given me a piggy back ride at midnight while we leisurely strolled a college campus, hugged me with less than 2 inches in between, and massaged the invisible corn on my pinky toe while we watched a Jesus movie...

Didn't that make me a girlfriend-in-waiting...or at least loyal layaway option?

That was a rhetorical question, btw! Because of course, that did NOT make me anything but the girl a day late and a dollar short.  Or, the girl who had joined the losing team, and got T-K-Od by some other chick in the title fight.

So I grabbed my Blackberry - my Ride or Die - and dialed my girlfriend, Flowerchild.

"A Long Walk has a girlfriend," I shouted. "And it's not me!"

"Okay, sweetie," she said.

Did she really just say: Okay. OK. Oh-kay!

She, a woman born and raised in Long Beach - the hometown of Snoop Doggy Dogg, Mr. I'll Pop a Cap in You - was supposed to say something more gutter than that. Like:

"Fu*** His Frienship"

"Fu*** His Girlfriend"

"Fu*** Dating in DC"

Flowerchild quite obviously was in that East Coast "I-Have-a-Reputation-to-Protect-Right-Now" mode. So, I hung up and called Southern Charm.

And tried again...

"A Long Walk...is...gay!"

"Oh my gosh, sweetie. Forget him. You can do so much better."

I lied.  Obviously. But only for five minutes before I told her that a Long Walk wasn't gay, he was just taken.

I mean geez ladies, the romantic in me couldn't let go of how A Long Walk had slow danced with me in his room and fed me fruit roll-ups. Similarly, the realist had to get...well..."real."  A Long Walk had kicked me out minutes after I asked him to cuddle me for a night. What reality told me was that "said girlfriend" had to have been the reason for the expulsion, OR maybe (just maybe) I had been "just (another guy's) friend."

I was two seconds away from grabbing a cigarette and a lighter and burning my dresses in a Waiting to Exhale Fashion, embracing a new "one of the guys" persona and re-stocking my wardrobe with sports jerseys and cargo-cut jeans.

BUT

Then I remembered...in dating, nothing is official until you get that title.

Until he calls you his girlfriend, his wife, his jumpoff, or his best friend (almost like a sister!)...you are in that in-between space where he coulda, shoulda, woulda but doesn't really have to choose you.

So, while Southern Charm substituted every curse word with "dang" "shoot" and "butt," I politely excused myself...found Jay-Z's new hit and turnt (yes turn with a "t") it all the way up, represented for all my East Coast Single Ladies that didn't get the title...

On To the Next One...

...and decided to pay my layway and value what I have a little bit sooner next time...