This guy - a dude I had connected with online - caught my attention because he could put together three complete sentences and post pictures which were cute without looking constipated. This is super rare in online dating. So I had decided to keep him around because he was generous with compliments via text message, and the one late night voicemail he left sounded...sane.
Still I wasn't sure if the guy was who he said he was...because for all intents and purposes he could be single, tall, muscular and 26 (like he said)
OR
he could be a 45-year old married male with nympho tendencies (who took great pictures and had excellent grammar).
Sadly, I was crazed enough to find out and arranged to meet up with him at a U Street bar wearing a mini-skirt and a mase bottle strapped to my belt loop.
Mr. 20 (or Score), showed up a few minutes after me and walked in looking like the Old Spice Guy...confident, handsome, and two seconds away from diving off a mini waterfall, landing on a horse, and smiling with a deodorant stick in his hand. I was impressed - kinda!
We did the awkward church hug embrace and I lightly kissed his cheek with my ruby red lip gloss and sat down ready for dialogue!
"How are you Mr. Score? How was your week?" I smiled sweetly as I sipped my mojito.
And...that, ladies and gentleman, was all he needed.
For 45 minutes I was beat in the head with nouns, accosted by a slew of verbs, slammed over and over again with unnecessary adjectives, and jumped by a gang of adverbs as Mr. Score subjected me to a monologue all about himself. Nineteen questions, people! He asked himself nineteen straight questions, then proceeded to answer all of them in the voice of his alter ego...Mr Score 2.0 as I sat there waiting desperately on the edge of my seat for a slightest...hint...of...an....inhale! Or an intermission!
Then, thankfully, the 20th question was asked to the person I least expected...
Me!
"Bree," he said. "That is your name, right? Are you ready for dinner?"
I thanked Jesus for modern day miracles and then quickly asked him to forgive me as...
I told Score I had eaten. Even though I hadn't.
I told Score I was tired. Even though I wasn't.
I told Score I had to go home. But, c'mon now, son! It was a Friday...night....and 80 degrees outside!
So, I faked a cough, told him "no" and tried not to plow down the one-day-over-16-and-happy-I-got-my-first-job greeter during my escape!
On the long walk to my car, I tried to convince my grumbling stomach that a free meal wasn't worth listening to the verbal version of the Autobiography of Mr. Score.
The date made me remember how much dating (in DC) sucked, but it also reminded me that a good date was hard to find! It made me specifically think of A Long Walk, a gentleman with whom conversation was never lacking and a dialogue always flowed.
I had to ask myself, does it take a bad date to appreciate a good one?
I hadn't thought of A Long Walk for a couple of weeks, but now A Long Walk was all I could think about.
So I sent him a text, "I really want to see you tonight!"
I blamed it on the mini-skirt I was wearing, which was dying to get the proper play.
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Don't tell me you couldn't have interrupted him a lil bit... :-)
ReplyDeleteAre you saying he was 'extra' in his word choice? Or just your way of saying he talked alot..
That's funny though.. I always find that women are prone to talk much more about themselves in the 'hey i'm special' attempts.. but I guess we're both biased. :-)
The phrase "you can't judge a book by it's cover" comes to mind after reading this. If he is literally asking himself questions and then answering them by the time the third question had come around, I think it would've been wise to excuse yourself. Forget the fact that he never let you interject, he was asking and answering himself, sounds like "Mr Score" just scored a straight jacket, and some happy pills.
ReplyDeleteGreat read, I'm sure many women in DC can relate, dating here sucks. I agree, you should have interrupted him, why sit there and listen to his monologue, a date is about both people not just one and he obviously doesn't know that.
ReplyDelete"On to the Next" I look forward to reading about your other dating adventures!
Interesting. This reminds me of that post you had written before about sending someone's representative.
ReplyDeleteI am sure this date would have been much simpler if you saw a picture of him on his dating profile bent over smelling a pile of his own ish. Because he clearly loved what came out of him so much that might have been the clearest picture of who he was truly going to be!
Girl! You're preaching to the chior...lol
ReplyDeleteI finally decided to give up and just enjoy intimacy, let these men take me out and partay. Sounds kind of sad in a way because I have given up for the moment but at the same time if men can od it why can't women? It's kind of crazy because I'm happier than I've ever been because I don't care anymore.
I am talking to about three guys, one I've gone on several dates with one is just one I talked to that lives out of state and one is kind of new. The one out of state is coming to visit me in the DC area. He asked me to call out from work. Now I kindly explained to him that I am a public servant and I need a doctor's note for any absences otherwise I won't get paid. And you know what he had the nerve to say? "I'm worth it!" (hysterical laughter) Even if I had a ring on my finger I would not be missing work to go lollygagging with some man! So I told him he could pay me the $300 I would be missing from my check. Needless to say he will probably soon be out of the equation.
ReplyDelete