The first time I saw weed was in the back seat of a car going 60mph on the freeway. My god sister’s boyfriend’s friend told he had something “special” to show me. And, since 15-year old me had recently walked in on my boy cousin peeing. I felt – you know - prepared. Fortunately for my little girl eyes, it wasn’t what I expected. Instead it was a bag of mysterious grass-looking plant leaves.
“What’s that?” I asked.
“Mary Jane.” he answered. I stared back blank-faced.
“A Dime Piece?”
“Weed?” It was starting to click.
“Weed?” It was starting to click.
“Marijuana!”
DING! DING! DING!
I suddenly saw my short life flash before my innocent, un-narcotic touched eyes, and demanded they throw it out of the window OR let me out.
They chose the former! Apparently (and unfortunately for me), rolling a blunt seemed more important than rolling with me. Go figure!
To this day, the thought of being in the presence of weed scares the heck out of me because…HELLO…smoking kills!
Problem is, I was brainwashed in the 80s by a sunglass-wearing camel on a motorcycle named Joe that smoking can be cool, be chill and sometimes be sexy. So though I'm scared of weed, I can't help but envy Jay Z on the BluePrint Album Cover, or Al Capone's expression on the infamous cigar poster, or Obama in his pre-presidential days squatting with a joint hanging from his lips. All of these people (camel included) are mad cool, and hella gangsta! More importantly, each of them has mastered the art of balancing a black and mild between their fingertips while simultaneously exuding an I don't give a f*** attitude....an attitude I was currently swagger-jacking as I sat watching one of DC’s most powerful rainstorms, my legs kicked up on my balcony banister, and pretending to smoke an imaginary cigar.
I wanted to NOT give a f*** about My Crush, or the guy who had jumped his ass out of Breeanne’s Ugly Girlfriends with a Penis Club withOUT my permission and advanced directly into Breeanne’s Potential Man Fraternity (without passing GO!).
I will still pissed that My Crush - a month earlier - had attempted to hook me up with his friend, ignoring my too-discrete-he-clearly-missed-it attempt to connect with him over warm beer and chicken wings! After my "no" then "hell no," he had skipped asking me "why" and began busying himself with the "how" task of pledging me into his Homegirls Sorority. I - uninterested and happy to be an invididual - had been desperately trying to drop line ever since.
Every day he assumed the title of Dean and commenced the “getting-to-know” you pledge process of gchatting me relentlessly from good morning to COB, hanging tough with him during happy hours while sexily sipping beer out a straw, and demanding I answer non-booty call related phone calls at 1am in my Girl 6 voice!
And what did I get for these efforts?
A date - Nope
A pat on the back - Nada
A penny for my keeping my thougts rated PG13 - Not a chance!
Instead I received the honor of being dubbed the unoriginal pledge name: “sweetie” and a confession from him that he had a
crush…
on...
another…
chick…(GASP!)
crush…
on...
another…
chick…(GASP!)
WTF!
I wanted to kick and kiss him, but not necessarily in that order! BUT then I (kinda) remembered his declaration that he rarely told a woman he likes her until he was sure she felt the same way, BECAUSE according to him, subtly was mandatory in all things related to romance. So – of course – this made me speculate about his so-called Homegirl Sorority, which I figured might just be a modern day brothel of “potentials” that he kept running prettily around in a never-ending circle, in too-tall stilettos, chasing the carrot (which was him)!
Yes, I liked this guy....
But...problem was...I...do…not…pursue…a...man...ever!
So what’s a girl to do?
Can a woman ever…really…move out of a friend zone without making her interest known?
I contemplated this answer while watching DC rain drops fall and while lighting up my non-existent black & mild to chill out. I was hoping that somewhere in my imaginary smoky haze that I could embrace the “I don’t give a f*** attitude” and figure out how I could avoid being left out there on the sidelines once again…
Posts
"Can a woman ever…really…move out of a friend zone without making her interest known?"
ReplyDeleteYes, you can. If two people are attracted to one another it will happen naturally. There is no need to pursue him especially if you are spending a lot of time together. You have given him the opportunity to pursue you and he hasn't done it. Keep it moving!
If he won't, another man will! Besides, do you really want to be in a relationship where you are the initiator? Pursuing a man is never fun. Tell him to go look at Proverbs 31!
I agree with Anonymous...a woman should never feel like she needs to pursue a man. God made us all fearfully and wonderfully made...with the right discernment, a man knows his intentions and knows that he is the pursuer. He should never feel completely whole allowing a woman to pursue him -- something should feel off in his masculinity...conviction should dominate.
ReplyDeleteIf a woman does pursue, she will be charged with taking charge throughout the relationship (if she happens to snag him) in subtle ways. She will also need to be consistent in this because he will not know what to do otherwise.Hence, sabotaging the entire relationship. In addition, he loses a little bit of initiative and pride in being a man which leads to other issues long term. To an extent, ladies play your role. ..helpmate. :)It is by design and going against it serves you a big cup of consequences,created and deserved.
Can a woman ever…really…move out of a friend zone without making her interest known?
Answer: You should not have to work hard to not be his friend. Do you know what you're saying? You're impatient and you don't know that there is a natural balance to progressing, yes PROGRESSING in the process of the levels of friendship (acquaintance, casual, close, and intimate). Sometimes it takes a while to go from close to intimate...u still have a lot to learn as friends. If it is natural, you won't have to move yourself...progression gradually happens due to attraction...MUTUAL attraction.If the attraction is not mutual...set your heart on things above, not of this world...that includes "relationships". If God has not created this man to be more than a friend to you, look for an answer to what kind of friend you need to be at this time. You need to search your heart for what it is God is telling you about this man. This takes time and looking outside of your own box. Either God is saying, no, or wait...DON'T SETTLErushing. Sometimes it takes a lifetime to recieve the mate God has for you to serve out a mutual purpose with...discern unselfishly. *that's my two cents* :)
Love this blog, it's funny (I'm in love with "Mary Jane") and also gives you real life, something every woman has dealt with or is dealing with. I'm going to have to agree with the 2 previous comments, a woman should NEVER chase or pursue a man. A woman has her ways of letting a man know that she's interested and if he doesn't pick up on that, then move it on, he's not what God has planned for you.
ReplyDeleteKeep writing, I love your blogs!!
I love this blog too! I hope you start posting more frequently
ReplyDelete"Can a woman ever…really…move out of a friend zone without making her interest known?"
ReplyDeleteIt seems like some of these responses are coming from women, so let me give a man's response:
If you're in the friend zone, or the jumpoff zone, there's a reason for it. Usually it's something about you physically or mentally that's keeping you there (assuming the guy is not in a committed relationship or married). The reality that some women can't face is that men are visual creatures, but there's also the "inside the head" chemistry that has to take place as well.
Case in point, there are some women that I vibe with well, and if they got their physical situation together, they could be up for parole from platonic prison. And, real talk, if I put on a dozen or more pounds of muscle and/or made more money, I would be paroled with some women I know. It's not a pretty reality, yet it's reality.
In summary, if there isn't both a physical and mental connection to where a man sees you as wifey potential, it won't happen. PERIOD!!!
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ReplyDeleteJust to add to Richard's point there is a reason for the friends zone. At the same time both men and women blur that zone all to often causing turmoil in friendships. Everyone whether they want to admit it or not has fallen into a situation where they assume the other person has them in a "close" or "intimate" situation and then come to find out after they are in a precarious position that's not the case. Both men and women upon the first few interactions are quick to decide if the other person could be a potential partner, at the same time you can't force a friend into becoming something more that takes gradual work by both individuals
ReplyDeleteCan a woman ever…really…move out of a friend zone without making her interest known?
ReplyDeleteI would say most women aren't even in the 'friend' zone... speaking of real friendship. But they are in a platonic relationship/association zone. Which are cousins... but their own entities.
The answer is YES. What's your interest anyway? Wanting to know him on a deeper level and requesting permission to allow romantic feelings to grow freely? The problem with that is what?
I think one commenter said you'd be going against God's natural order and also ruining the relationship forever. I, for one, haven't seen that to be true. I get rejected ALL of the time and in many different areas… romance isn’t excluded. I think that men HAVE to have a tough skin. Our job is to see you, and if we like what we see, PROVE to you that we are good individuals, aren’t about games, have long term plans, and PAY for this entire experience while continually being successful in all areas of our lives… which also proves more to you. Thing is, the lady gets to say ‘Thanks, but no thanks’ at any time she wants to. So dealing with the beginning still, it’s really not that bad.. the hard work and fear comes in later for many guys… and you saying NO initially doesn’t compare as seriously.
All that to say… go for it if you have a good vibe about it. If your conscious will beat you up and say he’s only entertaining you because YOU said something first… make sure your conscious is eating the right food and make a decision after that.
I noticed, like Rich did, that the responses were coming from women. MEN would never say some of the stuff in the comments… well, unmarried men who don’t have to answer to a woman at home... would never say those things. It’s a true testament of how we think and were taught differently.
And Oh, I have a pretty huge Homegirl Sorority also... and most women drop line by their own will, it’s true. There’s something NOT special enough about friendship… and something about feelings having a mind of their own that causes trouble many times. But the dudes were right saying that there’s a reason a woman is in the friend zone. It may have nothing to do with her looks though, as in my case. I’m almost 30 years old, and at this point, I need much more than a big butt, a smile, and a couple degrees and organization titles to even say ‘Let me be the one who kisses your daily troubles away.’ Friendship, along with being essential to daily living, allows us to learn how to function intimately while not romantically together. And that’s what comes in handy when we’re married and we’ve had all the sex we can and I’m tired of calling you ‘so cute.’ Well, I guess. Sorry for writing a book.
Please post more frequently! You have followers out here!
ReplyDeleteWhy are all the people posting "great blog" Anonymous? LOL! That's hilarious to me... What's the point? The person who posts may want to know that she/he actually has real followers...
ReplyDelete@ King James -- you are looking for a woman to kiss your troubles away? That's probably mistake #1 because it is illogical to ask another flawed human being to do that for you. You should know where to take your troubles and if there are any smart women out there that know that is what you're looking for...they should probably run. I am so big on people not putting their insecurities on other people. That's not loving and that's a huge expectation with a ridiculous amount of pressure from the start! But, I guess she would figure that out by being your friend...
DayaSatyra,
ReplyDeleteGood stuff. No, I'm not looking for her to kiss my troubles away. I do agree in that method probably having a low success rate.
My comment was 1st person.. let ME be the one. And it's not a realistic expectation, but more so a romantic and loving gesture. I wont be able to solve all of her problems nor rid her of all of her insecurities, but who's trying to do that? I'm thinking we'll work together in most that we do... including those things and we'll be responsible and accountable.
So, Even after we 'keep it real' all day... romance and chilvary will still live in my household.
Thanks for your comment.